minor things

daydream confession

listening to black keys radio makes me want to be in some sultry dimly-lit speak easy doing some funky slow dancing with some super hot hipster boy.

chyeah.

Dude.

I just felt like posting something.
Hopefully have a job interview coming up soon that I don’t want to talk about because I don’t wanna jinx it.
Got an iPhone, it’s awesome.
Getting a puppy this weekend, prepare for pictures (pretty sure his name will be Chewbacca, aka Chewy).
Only ran once this week, but invented a loop. Hopefully going to try it again tomorrow after work. (I say run, I mean mostly walking).
Also baked some double chocolate espresso cookies that didn’t have much coffee flavor to them. Kinda disappointing.
I might start posting my baking and running adventures on here too. So much for fashion blog.
So yeah. Life update. To all, what, 4 of my followers?

list

of things NOT to do as a customer in a retail store.

1. ask “do you work here?” when i am clearly: a. behind a register, b. holding a price scanner in my hand, c. straightening a table full of jeans. never am i so tempted to give you the most smart ass answer i can possibly think of.

2. turn a garment inside out and then put it back on the hanger in the dressing room. this helps no one. not you, because your “effort” did nothing, and not me, because i have to take the garment off the hanger and start all over. i’d rather you just leave it on the floor than do this.

3. give the sales associate a ridiculously long background story on why you’re returning a certain sweater or a whole outfit or whatever.

“there’s a [minuscule] hole in this vest, i love it, and when you wear a dark sweater under it its fine, but when i put my creamy white turtleneck under it, you could see this gaping hole. but i love the sweater. do yall have anymore? ill just go look for it. you can see the hole right here. see? and when you wear a dark color under it its fine its just those lighter colors that show right through. oh its on clearance now? oh well ill go digging through and find it. i just love that sweater…” and on, and on, and on.

we really don’t care why you are returning something. honestly. all it means to us is we have to make sure it doesn’t smell funny and/or smokey and isn’t damaged in any other way and put it back out on the floor. and if its something in a far away department, like men’s shoes, we are just delighted.

4.ask if you can exchange something in the completely wrong department. this happens in our department all the time because we are the first register in the door. but NEWSFLASH: you canNOT exchange men’s jeans (which are on the complete opposite end of the store) for a different size in juniors. nor can you exchange a bra in men’s. nor a dress in the home department. it saddens me that i even have to include this one, but people are so dumb it had to be done.

there will be more.

in da club

three white girls, harmless-looking enough, came into my department. they couldn’t have been out of high school. there was a leader among them, the bleached blonde girl. now just because she is bleached blonde, don’t imagine a preppy, legally blonde type… these girls looked trashy. 

bleached blonde leader girl: “where are yalls clothes to wear in da club?”

me: “…..ummm…. like… skirts? shirts? dresses? what?”

BBLG: “any of those, mainly tops. all this stuff looks like church clothes.”
(other girls snicker) 

me: “okay, come with me over here, we might have something.”
(i show her a fitted banded skirt, that was probably too long for her taste anyway. i show them a few one-shouldered dressy tops, but they all shake their heads in distaste)

BBLG: “nah, i’m talkin about club stuff. like tight shirts. like titty-showin shirts.”

me: (fake laughs like i’m totally with them, when really on the inside i’m wondering why people become parents… it always turns into offspring like this) “i’m not sure if you’re gonna find anything like that here. everything here is a little more… conservative.” (and by conservative, i mean normal.)
“Try body central.”

ha. 

pajama bottoms??

today was epic. two women came up to pay on their bills. they asked me where something was. “pajama bottoms?” i thought they said. “no, vagina powder. where do yall keep yalls vagina powder. yall used to have it.” “…….in this store?” “yes, yall used to have it here.” “……i have no idea.”

EPIC.

gift wrap sermon

today while wrapping some ridiculously nitpicky woman’s gift that she should’ve just frickin wrapped herself, said woman attempted to make small talk with me.

Woman: “so, how long have you worked here?” Me: “oh about 2 months.” Woman: “are you in school?” Me: “no, i have my fashion merch degree, this is my first job out of college… it’s not a great straight out of college job, but it is a job, and with today’s economy that’s about all you can ask for.” Woman: “that’s true. well, as the scriptures say, ‘put all your faith in the lord and he will provide.’ Me: “…..yep.” Woman: “and i really believe that, i really do.” Me: “….yep.”

awkward. if i wanted to hear a sermon i would go to church. that’s just how i feel about it. please don’t throw your religion down my throat while im attempting to wrap your stupid furry sweater. i might try to choke myself with some ribbon next time.

hidden meanings

of christmas songs i hear all day at work.

1. baby, its cold outside -woman sounds sleazy, man is obviously out for date rape. proof: “Well Maybe just a half a drink more Put some music on while I pour The neighbors might think Baby, it’s bad out there Say, what’s in this drink? No cabs to be had out there” …. “I ought to say no, no, no, sir Mind if I move a little closer? At least I’m gonna say that I tried What’s the sense in hurting my pride?”

…yeah.

1. i don’t know the name of this one, but its the “jingle jingle jingle, you’ll hear my sleigh bells ring, i am old kris kringle, i’m the king of jing-a-ling!” but i always think he says “ding-a-ling” which makes me laugh…especially with the sleigh bells reference. hehe. so maybe that’s just my dirty mind but whatevs.

2. santa clause is comin to town. -this just creeps me out. “He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake.” santa is a stalker.

3. “Don’t look out the window, and don’t wait by the door, hell be comin down the chimney like he always did before.” yep, santa is a creepy dude who likes to break and enter. repeatedly.

4. barbara streisand’s jingle bells. -if you’ve never heard this, youtube it NOW. i’m pretty sure she’s on crack. “J-j-j-j-j-j jing jangle! J-j-j-j-j-j jing jangle!”

5. santa baby.

   • again, sleazy woman, but this time a gold digger. but why is she trying to seduce santa? it can’t be that hard, he’s already a creeper.